FEMALE & MALE PLEASURE
- Written by Dana, "D"
- Feb 17, 2019
- 13 min read
Anatomy, masturbation, and pleasure... Oh my! Have you ever wondered the similarities and differences between male and female pleasure? Have you ever thought to yourself "am I doing this right?" when you're masturbating? Have you ever wanted to know how to maximize your pleasure? Well, I'm here to educate ya!
Male and Female Pleasure! Oh, one of my favorite topics! Whenever I bring up this subject to friends, family, or even complete strangers the one common thing I've noticed is that we really don't know much about it--or that we pretend to know all about it. Whether it be pleasing a partner, yourself, or knowing the basics of pleasure and your anatomy... it looks like we all need a little bit of help. That's where I cum in! Hehe, get it, "cum" in? Oh, I love sex puns.
Now let's bring it back to when we all learned about what a penis and a vagina are. The boys would be separated into one room and the girls into another. The girls would learn about the painful truth of blood coming out of their who-ha every month and the boys would learn about how their dick getting hard every morning was normal. Ahh American sex education... it makes me cringe every time. Instead of just learning about periods, pregnancy, and boners... We're going to be learning it the Dana way (the sex-positive way!).
ANATOMY 101
We can't dive into pleasure before we talk about the anatomy of the penis and the vagina. Say it with me now... PENIS and VAGINA. Normalize those words, folks! Let's start off with the female anatomy, shall we?
Let's start with the external anatomy. Above is a picture of the vulva. Yes, the vulva. This entire area is often mistakenly referred to as the vagina — what you can see externally is simply the vaginal opening. You’ll learn more about the vagina later in the internal anatomy section. The vulva includes the outer and inner lips of the labia (labia majora and labia minora), clitoris, and the openings to the urethra and vagina, the mons pubis, and perineum. ~the whole enchilada~.
I wanted to focus on the clitoris for the female anatomy because it is an important part of female pleasure!
Clitoris + Glans
Right below your mons, your inner labia connect to form your clitoral hood. This hood is connected to your glans, which is the very tip of your clitoris (the part you can see outside of your body). The clitoral hood protects your very sensitive (think: over 8,000 nerve endings!) clitoris. For many people, the clitoris is the main bit of the anatomy to experience pleasure from sex. All the research shows that most people with one need it to be given some attention in order to have enjoyable or orgasmic sex. If you have a penis, think of it like your penis. The penis and clitoris are very similar, the only main differences are how much it sticks out of the body. So for enjoyable sexy times it can be nice for them both to be touched, stroked, licked, sucked or buzzed with a vibrator. For some people all of those things are enjoyable, for others not so much. So far we have only looked at the sticky outy bit of the clitoris at the top of the vulva, but as you can see in this picture, most of the clitoris is inside the vulva ⬇︎
Vaginal Opening
When people say “vagina”, what they often mean is their “vulva”, which is the female anatomy we’re talking about here. The word vagina really refers to the internal canal (where penises or toys go in and babies come out). Below your urethral opening is your vaginal opening, where you insert things like your menstrual cup. The vaginal opening expands and contracts but, despite what some people say, they don’t stay stretched.
Perineum
The short stretch of skin that starts at the bottom of the vaginal opening and goes back to the anus. This part of your body has a lot of nerve endings and can feel good when stimulated and acts as a connector.
Next is the internal anatomy. Above is a picture outlining the internal anatomy of the female body where the vagina, cervix, uterus, fallopian tubes, colon, bladder, pubic bone, and ovaries are!
Vagina
This is the muscular tube that connects the external genitals to the cervix of the uterus. The vagina is approximately 2 to 4 inches long and can double in length when a woman is aroused. The walls of the vagina can be described as layers of wrinkles or folds of tissue. Menstrual blood flows from the uterus through the cervix, and exits the body through the vagina. Mucus is generated to keep the vagina moist, enable lubrication for sex, trap semen for conception, and to cleanse the vagina after menses. How much mucus the vagina generates during a cycle varies; it usually increases about two weeks prior to menstruation. The discharge is a natural occurrence and helps maintain the health of the vagina by removing bacteria that may have entered through the vaginal opening. The characteristics of discharge — amount, color, and texture — also vary from woman to woman. The most unique feature of the vagina is its elasticity. It can accommodate a penis and the head of a baby.
G-Spot
The Grafenberg spot, more commonly known as the G-spot, is located on the front wall of the vagina (abdomen side) just past the pubic bone and has a somewhat spongy feel. It may be difficult to find if your fingers can’t reach, but keep in mind that it may be elusive to pinpoint. However, for many women it is an erotic zone that has the potential to contribute greatly to their sexual arousal.
And finally there is the reproductive organs listed below!
Now that we've talked about the female anatomy, let's move on to talking about the male anatomy!
Glans
Your glans is also called the head or tip of your penis. The opening of your urethra is here. This is where pre-ejaculate (precum) and semen (cum) come out of, and it’s where you pee out of. For many people, it’s the most sensitive part of the penis.
Shaft
The shaft of your penis extends from the tip to where it connects to your lower belly. It looks like a tube. Your urethra is inside the shaft.
Foreskin
The foreskin is a patch of skin that covers and protects the head (AKA glans). When your penis gets hard, the foreskin pulls back and the tip is exposed. Sometimes foreskin is circumcised (when a doctor surgically removes your foreskin) soon after birth, so not everyone has it.
How Erections Work
There is no bone or muscle in the penis, so how do they get hard? As you can see in this picture the penis is made up of blood vessels and loads and loads of tightly packed spongy blood cells. Blood rushes into the corpus cavernosa via the arteries and is trapped there making the penis hard. Imagine filling a balloon (or a condom) up with water and then squeezing one end to make it hard – that’s kinda what happens in the penis. When the penis goes soft the blood exits via the dorsal vein (which you can probably see at the top of the penis).
Penises and clitorises work in a very similar way, so if you have a clitoris you can probably have a pretty good understanding of what a hard on feels like and how it works.
Glans aka ‘bell-end’
This is a really sensitive part of the penis because it’s packed with so many nerve endings. It’s very similar to the glans of the clitoris. The glans is all about sexual pleasure and most people with one need it to be stimulated to have great sex. They can feel great to be touched, stroked, licked, rubbed, sucked or buzzed with a vibrator. Everyone is different though, so find out for yourself what you and they like.
Even without very much foreskin this area is still very sensitive. People who have been circumcised may find they might like to use lubricant to keep the skin moist and sensitive. Condoms can also help to act as kind of replacement foreskin too.
Frenulum
The frenulum is where your foreskin meets the underside of your penis. It looks like a small V just below the head. Usually part of it remains after circumcision. And for many people, it’s very sensitive.
Whew! That was a lot of information! Now that we've gone over the anatomy of both the penis and the vagina... we can finally dive into pleasure!
PLEASURE
Masturbation! Yes, I said it! ~Masturbation~ the word that people seem to get very embarrassed about... the word we don't even really talk about. Masturbation is something we all practie--or should practice. And yes, to all the guys out there, believe or not... woman masturbate too! In this next segment I'm going to be talking about some of the different ways you can get off, tickle your pickle, butter your muffin, or just get your hands dirty!
I'll start off with the ladies...
HOW TO MAKE YOURSELF ORGASM EASILY
Having an orgasm is all about being comfortable with yourself and letting go. Doing this alone first is going to be much easier than doing it with someone else. So I suggest that you forget about that other person until you can reliably masturbate to orgasm by yourself. Once you can orgasm easily by yourself, then get some lucky individual involved.
There are different ways in which women can orgasm: clitorally and vaginally (g-spot), fingering or using a sex toy (dildo, vibrator, etc).
From the website "Bad Girls Bible" they suggest two ways in which to pleasure yourself and techniques:
Slow Build Up – You can’t rush orgasms. One thing I strongly recommend when learning how to orgasm is that you slowly (very slowly) build up to it. Think of it as foreplay. Start by having a long shower or bubble bath. Make sure to wash everywhere so that you feel fresh and clean. Dry yourself off and then when you are ready, slip into bed and then turn off the light.
The key, before you get started is to make sure that you feel hot, sexy & comfortable. So if you would feel sexier wearing lingerie, then wear it. If baggy pajamas are your thing, then put them on. But if you feel much sexier and free when you are completely naked then don’t wear anything at all. Remember having an orgasm is all about you, so do what makes you feel best.
The Actual Orgasm – First spend some time caressing your body with your hands. Try to concentrate on the areas that feel best to have stimulated. Then when you are ready to bring your pleasure to the next level, lower your hand(s) towards your vagina. Just above your vagina, is the clitoris, which is the most sensitive spot on the outside of your vagina, is closely linked to arousal and is a pivotal part of your pleasure. This feels like a little, sensitive ‘nub’ of skin and is easier to find when you are aroused.
Now let's start with some basic masturbation techniques, then move onto the more advanced techniques!
1. UP AND DOWN
This first masturbation technique will get you started and is super easy. You’ll be focusing on the clit, and all you need to do is to take a finger and just start rubbing up and down on one side of it like in the illustration above. If you want more stimulation, then try rubbing your finger directly over your clit.
It’s that simple, but of course, you can experiment with how hard you rub your finger, how fast and the length of the strokes. This is also an easy technique to use on yourself while you are giving a male partner a blow job or eating a female partner out.
2. THE LONG SLOW STROKE
Using one or more fingers, very lightly and softly glide over the middle of your vagina and clitoris, from bottom to top like in the illustration above. Listen to your body to feel which areas provide the most pleasure and stimulation when touched.
Then experiment with fast strokes, slower strokes, as well as using more or less pressure. Also try switching direction, starting at your clit and rubbing downwards or rubbing up and down. You may not orgasm from this, but it’s a great masturbation technique for exploring all of your vagina to see what is most pleasurable and reacts most intensely to your touch.
3. FROM SIDE TO SIDE
This is another simple and straightforward masturbation technique focusing on your clitoris. As the name suggests, you are going to rubbing your finger from side to side over your clit.
Some women prefer indirect contact here, barely touching their clit, while others need more intense contact and pressure to enjoy themselves. As always, you’ll need to try different variations for yourself to see what you enjoy. Here are a few ideas:
Try different speeds
Change the amount of pressure you use
Try using some lube.Vary how many fingers you use (one, two, three or four)
Switch between direct and indirect contact
This masturbation technique is perfect to use during any doggy style sex position if you want to add in a little extra clitoral stimulation.
4. FANTASTIC FUN WITH FOUR FINGERS
Performing this technique is a simple case of holding your four fingers together and rubbing them over your clit and vagina in a circular motion as demonstrated above.
You can rub in small circles to mostly focus on your clit, or your can use larger circles to stimulate your labia, U spot and the rest of your vagina too. This masturbation technique is also great if you like giving yourself extra stimulation during sex when you can easily access your clit.
5. LOVE THAT SHOWER HEAD
If you haven’t yet used a shower head or faucet to get off, you are missing out! Women have been using this method to masturbate for decades. While it’s a more hands off masturbation technique, it feels incredible and entirely different to your finger. All you need is a faucet that you can maneuver your vagina under so that the water can freely flow over it or a shower head that you can direct towards your vagina.
6. THE SQUEEZE
So the visible tip of the clitoris isn’t the only sensitive part. The base of the clitoris, known as the clitoral bulb, isn’t visible but is also hyper sensitive…and we’re going to use the ‘squeeze’ technique to stimulate it!
All you need to do is place your thumb and index finger on either side of the clitoris like in the illustration above. Then press down and inwards so that you are ‘squeezing’ it between the folds of skin surrounding it. Start with very gentle pressure. You’ll quickly notice that you can squeeze it with a lot of pressure without it being uncomfortable.
7. VIBRATOR TIME
And last but not least, using a vibrator! A lot of people use vibrators to stimulate the clitoris, but individuals can also use vibrators for g-spot stimulation and anal stimulation to achieve orgasm. If you are using a vibrator to masturbate, my advice is to play around with it and see what you enjoy most. There is no “one size fit all” method or technique to using a vibrator to orgasm.
Next, we'll be diving into male pleasure! [information received from healthline.com]
1. SET THE MOOD
It's all about the mood, right? Masturbation doesn't have to be a quickie in the bathroom! Slow it down, set the mood, and make yourself comfortable. You can plan your alone time just like you would anything else and set yourself up for some quality "me time".
2. SWITCH POSITIONS
Switch it up, guys! There's no reason to stick to the same routine while masturbating. It can get kind of boring, right? Instead, add some excitement by switching up positions. If you're always standing, try leaning agains a counter or the wall, with your hips pushed forward. If you're always lying down, try sitting up, either on your bed or in a chair.
Different positions mean different sensations-- and that may mean more satisfaction!
3. TAKE YOUR TIME
Guys, slow. it. down. There's no need to rush! Masturbation doesn't have to be "go, go, go", "I need to cum immediately!", unless of course, that's what you're into. Feel free to slow down and explore what makes you feel good. You can experiment with speed, strokes, positions, hands, toys, and more during a solo session.
Taking your time to discover what turns you on could lead to a better orgasm.
4. SWITCH HANDS
Changing hands, just like switching positions, can cause different sensations that could lead to intense ejaculation. You may be able to widen your pleasure zone by using your non dominant hand to masturbate.
Looking for something more adventurous? Try holding your penis against your stomach and stroking the underside of your shaft quickly with your non dominant hand!
5. TRY DIFFERENT STROKES
Moving your hand in an up-and-down motion is a tried-and-true masturbation technique — and for many people with a penis, it almost always leads to an orgasm. But why keep solo play boring? Experiment with different movements for a more profound and powerful experience.
You can use long, twisting strokes from base to tip. You can palm and pull your penis head while masturbating with a full-hand grip. You could also add a little bit of rubbing to the classic three-finger grip.
6. ADD IN A TOY OR TWO
There are a number of toys available for people with penises that can add loads of fun to a solo session.
The most common options include:
The automatic stroker
Fleshlights
Pocket strokers
Prostate stimulators
Anal beads
Consider adding a toy — or two! — during solo play if you want to ramp up your orgasm.
7. TRY EDGING
Want to prolong your play date? Incorporate the start-and-stop method into your next solo session. Orgasm control, also known as “edging,” draws out the pleasure so that you can have a longer, more explosive experience.
Try it out by stroking your penis right up until the edge of ejaculation, then stop completely. Slowly begin to masturbate again, increasing speed until you’re ready to finish, then pull back again. Repeat this process as much as you’d like.
8. AND FINALLY... DON'T FORGET THE PROSTATE!!!
I made the title for this one bigger on purpose because the prostate is very important!
According to b-vibe.com, the prostate gland, also known as the P-spot, is 3-4 inches (7.5-10cm) from the beginning of the anal canal, and it’s about 1 inch (2.5 cm) across. It’s just behind and above the deepest portion of the penis, and it’s right below the bladder. The urethra (the tube running from the bladder and out the penis) runs right through the center of the prostate. The prostate is on the other side of the rectum (the last portion of the digestive system). During sexual arousal, the prostate starts to fill up with fluid that it releases during ejaculation.
From a pleasure perspective, the P-spot is a lot like the G-spot in women. It feels better when you’re turned on because it swells like a tiny water balloon. A lot of men say that orgasms that come from prostate stimulation feel bigger, more expansive, or more full-body.
The prostate should feel like a ripe plum: firm, with a little give to it. If you can’t find it, that might be because there isn’t enough for it to start to swell. Try adding some familiar pleasure like oral sex or some erotic massage first.
The orgasms that come from prostate play can be amazing, but don’t get too goal-oriented about it. It can take a little practice to get everything coordinated. And when you do, you’ll probably discover that it was worth the effort.
Note: Transgender women also have prostate glands, but depending on what medical choices they make regarding surgery and/or hormones, prostate sensations might change. So although much of this information will apply, if you or your partner is a transgender woman, you may need to do a little experimentation to see what works for you.
So, that's the basics of male and female pleasure! I'll be covering more about male and female masturbation in a later post because this one is getting pretty long... but for now I hope you learned a few new things from this week's blog post on male and female pleasure ♥︎ -D
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